Ice Cream Social

Feeling frightened about the upcoming election? Wishing you had somewhere to disappear after you cast your ballot? Look no further! We’ve got the best holes, hangouts and hiding spots for all your hermit needs.

1.) Under the steps of the Colonnade

I’m not sure how you get under there, but I saw lights shining through the vents, so there must be some way. This spot would be perfect for hiding from all your woes. It might also be the tunnel to the Phantom of the Opera’s lair. If it is, and he abducts you, please give us a call if or when you resurface. We’d love to write a story about your experience.

2.) In that strange, corner bathroom on the second floor of Ivan Wilson Center for Fine Arts

A bit more accessible, but still requiring a pure heart and some very sincere yearning, this hidden, dim palace will be the perfect setting for holing up and pondering the state of the nation.

3.) Anywhere in Tate Page Hall

If you’re looking for a place that will match your depressed mood, look no further than Tate Page. Head on in and let the gloomy, dingy walls of the building take you away. Find a quiet, lonely spot and do your best rendition of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence.”

4.) In the stacks of books in Helm-Cravens Library

Pick a floor of the library, and go whisper your sorrows into the works of a lot of old, dead white men. They won’t hear you, of course, but perhaps that’s for the best.

5.) In that weird tunnel under Van Meter Hall

Disappear into the pretty visible, but rarely noticed tunnel under Van Meter. This will be the perfect place to curl up and hum angsty songs from your childhood. Belt out a chorus of “Gotta Go My Own Way” from High School Musical 2 for me.

6.) Inside the sewers

You’ve seen the manholes that are all over campus, right? All this time, you probably walked right over them without ever thinking, ‘hey I could probably get in that if I wanted.’ Well, start thinking, because now’s your chance!

Pick one that looks nice — preferably one away from prying eyes — and hop down in. If this turns out to be the passage to the Phantom’s lair, please follow above requests (I’m just really convinced it’s somewhere on campus).

7.) On the Pottermore website

Head back to your dorm, crawl under your covers and pull out your laptop. Then, head straight to the Pottermore website and lose yourself in the virtual world of J.K. Rowling’s creation. By my estimations, you can spend approximately 18-42 hours just casting Expecto Patronum and watching your little spirit dude fly around the sky.

8.) In Narnia via the magic wardrobe

Okay, so I don’t have an exact location for this one. But spending hours searching for the portal to the magical land from “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe” series is better than spending hours waiting for election results. Maybe focusing on that fantastical pursuit will take your mind off of the grim reality at hand.