It’s that time of year where you need to start assessing your roommate needs. Leases will need signing soon.
It takes all types to make the world go round — here are some of the major archetypes you might encounter in your quest for your perfect roommate match.
Are you in the Honors College? No? That’s fine, not everybody makes it in. We’re going to bunk the beds so we have optimal study space. I have Citizen and Self at 8 a.m. and need to get at least 8 hours of sleep, so please don’t make any noise after 10 p.m. What’s your GPA, again? OK, good, mine is still higher.
The Ideal Roommate
My mom sent me cookies in the mail. Do you want some? You just farted? It’s OK, everybody does it. Want to go to Kroger and get stuff to make dinner? Or we could just order pizza and watch “Game of Thrones” all night. Which sounds best to you? Also, I cleaned!
I know, I know. I tried to do my laundry but all the machines were broken. I can’t really do anything about all my piles of stuff everywhere because that’s just how I am. Also, I swear I’ll throw out that pumpkin once it starts to smell. It’s so cute, though! I’m about to take a nap for four hours, so can you tiptoe?
I think we should move all of our furniture out into the hallway and do a deep clean of the floors. You know there’s no way they actually clean in here once people move out. Can you lift up the ceiling tiles and dust for me? I’m going to pour this whole bottle of bleach on the floor, so watch your step. Also, I’m using your toothbrush to clean the grout in the bathroom, so you’ll need to buy a new one.
Do you think we should push our beds together to make one mega-bed? By the way, I left all of my pants at home so we’re going to have to share yours. Want to split a milkshake from Steak N’ Shake? One straw, definitely. We’re already besties! I know we live together, but do you want to have a slumber party tonight? You can do my hair and I’ll tell you all about my intimacy issues. Fun!
Oh, You Live Here Too?
HAHAHAHA this Vine is SO funny. Oh, you’re trying to study? I’ll turn it down. Have you seen it, though? My girlfriend is coming over later so we’re going to need your bed. I put some of my dirty clothes in your dresser so it would look better in here. I’ll get you back, though. Thanks for understanding, bro.
Doesn’t Really Live There
This is written on a Post-it stuck to your bed on Thursday morning: “Went home for wknd. See u Wednesday. Plz take out trash most of it it urs. – Josh”
How are your classes going? Did you email your professor back? Don’t worry about lunch for tomorrow — I already packed one for you. Also, I got us a family-sized box of Nabisco cookies to share if we need snacks. Don’t eat too many, though, because they’re not very good for you. Gosh, I can’t believe it’s almost time for bed!
We’re Just Roommates
Hey, you. Can you not talk to me so much? It makes me really uncomfortable when you try to force a friendship between us. I already have my own friends and don’t really need any more. We’re just roommates.