Auntie Dill Answers: Getting closer, moving further

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the digital approximation of my living room. Yes, I’m really back after just two weeks! My wild oats have been sown, and I’m here to dispense my wisdom on a more periodic basis. So grab a seat on my (metaphorical) chintz sofa, and let’s have a chat.


OK so I’m about to start with a little background. I have basically never dated anyone so I’m pretty new at it and I have recently acquired a boyfriend. I thought I liked him but sometimes he really annoys the sh*t out of me. I’m not really sure if it’s just the fact that we spent so much time together and I’m not really used to it, therefore I just need space, or if maybe I just don’t like him that much. I’m not really sure namely because I don’t know if this is normal for relationships.

It can certainly be difficult to adjust to spending a lot of time with somebody when you haven’t known them for very long. It seems like you’re feeling pressure — either from your boyfriend or from society in general — to spend more time with him than you’re comfortable with.

It’s normal for a significant other to get on your nerves sometimes, but you could also benefit from having a little more space to yourself. If your boyfriend asks you to hang out and you don’t want to, you are perfectly justified to say no. If it seems like there’s a wide difference in the amount of time each of you wants to spend with the other, it would be good to have a sit-down conversation about what each of you are looking for in the relationship.

How would you deal with your boyfriend’s mom when she is a TOTAL smother? I want to love her for his sake, but it gets really difficult when she has to call him every hour because she’s worried.

Ah, yes, the classic helicopter parent. My advice on this issue depends on the degree to which she is trying to interfere into your life as an extension of interfering in her son’s. You are under no obligation to love your boyfriend’s mom — mere toleration will suffice. If you feel like her hovering is affecting your relationship with your boyfriend, it would be good to have a conversation with him about it. How does your boyfriend feel about this behavior? How can you work to be able to coexist with her constant calls?  If she is trying to micromanage you as well, you need to establish clear boundaries. If not, this is something you’ll have to let go to a certain extent.

Hi, Auntie Dillon! 💕 I am about to move to a different state all by myself! I know that I am not in my best mental health state when I am lonely, and I’m worried that is going to happen when I move. Do you have any advice on how to avoid loneliness for someone who is not extroverted?

As someone who’s recently moved quite a bit, I know moving can be just as taxing emotionally as it is physically. Being in a new place comes with meeting new people, and that can seem daunting from a distance. The important thing to remember is that you aren’t alone in your situation. Wherever you move, there will be plenty of others looking for companionship as well. Making friends outside of college requires a little more effort, but as long as you are kind and engaging with others, people will want to be your friend — even if you are naturally more introverted. And the wonders of the internet will allow you to keep in touch with the friends you’ve made already, even several states away.